The TBLA audition aftermath...

This couldn't come at a sooner time and for that I apologize. I've been without internet for the longest time and I find it very hard to write elsewhere. And to rub more salt into the wound, having no internet didn't help my TBLA jitters in anyway. It actually feels a lot worse. :P

Anyhow, the last few weeks has been a roller coaster of sorts. Mixed emotions, anxiety and excitement over each phone call that arrives. Call me crazy but, a man can hope right? So far, I haven't received any call from TBLA so those who are waiting for one, do not fret. (insert startrek tune here: Date log, July 3, 2010. Blogging my next article... LOL!) Unless the show has called and ordered those who got chosen to stay hush hush.

So, what has been happening the last few weeks for me? I have been a little too expecting that I might be able to make the show. I guess all the positive criticism from family and friends can do that. So in preparation, I did a little loading of my own because I feel that I was too light or my weight loss capability may be too small compared to the others. But of course, I still had to keep my stamina up for the possible challenges in the show because that is a major factor too. And to my dismay, my weight is stable. No changes whatsoever. Nada! Oh well, at least I know that my small exercise regime works and coupled with a good diet, I may be able to lose some weight. Not as fast as those picked for the show but, at least it's going somewhere.

After the positive side of me subsided, and still with a couple more weeks to go before "D" day, I was starting to feel a little more unceremonious over the idea. In fact, I was starting to feel that I was not going to be picked because I am a little smaller than the usual suspects. WHOA! Do I hear depression setting in?!? My gosh! But, yes, I admit, I had my low moment. In fact, I still carry bits and pieces of that till this day. I try my best to pick my self up but, the agony of being in limbo and waiting for that specific call to arrive, can drive any sane man crazy.

Try as much as I can to keep my self busy, I find some small things that remind me of the auditions and the show. Then I said to myself, "I've already taken the path into a healthier lifestyle, so why stop now"? Truth be told, I didn't stop whatever I was doing. I was just beating my self up and hoping and praying so hard to get my big butt into the TBLA frenzy. This is what happens when you have nothing much to do and so much time thinking about a lot of things. Being out of work with a remote on one hand, it's easy to find yourself watching segments of last season's highlights, TBL Australia and Couples from time to time. And you can't help but imagine your self to be in their shoes and strategize on your own. If there is TBLA Fever, this is TBLA Obsession. HAHAHAHAHA!

During the long wait that everybody is probably as anxious as I am, I try my best to look for signs and updates regarding the auditions. Text messaging and taking a peek in facebook as much as humanly possible. Trying my best to keep the connections alive with the friends I made during the auditions. Talking about conspiracies and probabilities that arise from the mind boggling messages that others post that can surely shake your imagination to the core. Man, I tell you, obsessing over something like this can be stressful too! LOL!

Anyway, to cut the long story short, I also came upon some realizations during the wait and since we had the longest time to do that because we are the first one to audition. I started thinking about how my family will carry on without me, who will do the errands that I do, who's going to take my daughter to school, who's going to pick her up and what not. Some would say, hire help. I would say, I can't afford help. At that very moment I said that, I came upon another burden. I am not financially capable of being away from my family. Then somebody else will say, there are ways to fix that. I would say, better said than done. When I said that it became an emotional roller coaster, I didn't mean the ones that allows kids on them. I'm talking about the ones that have a 5:10 ratio that you will be sick to your stomach. It aint easy being in my position. And this made me realize, yes, another realization, yet another major aspect in my journey. Compared to the other contestants in any of the TBL shows, most of them are financially capable of being in the show while for obvious reasons, I am not. BLAM!!!

If there is a will, there is a way. This has been the only ounce of hope I have left into finding myself clinging to the possibility of getting into the show. I may be able to leave my family, I may be not. either way, I shall know and find out once I get that call... (insert scene: Hand reaching for a flower - Picking it up and bringing it up - Other hand starts to peel of the petals one by one - Voice over: they will call me, they will not... They will call me, they will not - fade scene to black) ROFLMAO!!!

Next: Please! For the life of God, Call me!!!!